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Dating online > Looking for a boyfriend > A woman who doesnt need validation

A woman who doesnt need validation

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I imagine this is true. The woman who is so content within herself as not to need any validation from anyone sounds pretty scary. I also imagine her to be quite tired and a bit bitchy, because faking that kind of confidence takes a lot of energy. While I understand the sentiment and agree with the idea of preserving our personal power by not doling it out to strangers on the street, I also believe in the importance of keeping it real. Not buying into what other people think of us sounds so easy. The longer we live and the more experiences we have, the closer we get to embracing self-acceptance as the most important, but what about all the missteps we must take in order to find it?

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Vision Doesn't Need Validation

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Need Validation As A Man

How To Be A Strong Woman— Instead Of Seeking Validation In Relationships

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A reader writes in, on the topic of emotional validation :. Maybe you call it something different but I was talking to a female friend of mine and she brought something up that seemed similar to it. I was telling her about how I and my pops were watching a Laker game and my mom kept bringing up how "she needs to get her work done. After a while I barked back "well go do it then. So, after the game ended I talked to her about it and she was telling me how I could have said "I know you gotta get your work done but how about you relax with us and watch the game and then go start on the work afterwards?

Now as soon as I heard her say that I immediately thought validation. I'm validating that thought or feeling by giving that response. While my response of "go do it" sounds like I'm rejecting her. So I was wondering if you all could drop a post on validation.

Once I realized this whole idea of validating a woman it gave me that "aha" moment, really started to put a lot of my failed interactions into a new light, you know? It also helped me to understand the whole chase framing, push-pull, etc. Validation is something I tend not to focus on much personally - it's something that fast becomes irrelevant when you're following the rule of thumb of always escalate and keep moving fast.

But it's a real phenomenon, and it will affect your interactions with women - though, if you're doing things right, it should prove more a curiosity than a major distraction. One of the newer things I'm working with in the field of social dynamics right now is a perspective revolving around dependent and independent social positions. This isn't a knock on anyone, nor is it calling anyone weak; these social positions are changeable and depend a great deal on both circumstantial and interpersonal scenarios - e.

I'll talk more about social positions another time, but it will help you to think of emotional validation as something that's a dependency - that is, it's something that someone else is depending on you or someone, or something to give to her - or, alternatively, it can be something that you're depending on someone or something to give to you.

Let's say you just had a really tough day at work. You lost a major client that the firm really needed; you totally botched it. You feel awful. Now imagine your boss walks over, clasps his hand on your shoulder, and says, "Hey. You did as good as anybody could've done.

You're still my ace in the hole here. That's emotional validation in action. You were feeling down in the dumps Everybody wants or needs emotional validation at some point or another. How they go about getting it is different. Men get emotional validation through conquest, while women get emotional validation through bonding.

I've seen men who really liked bonding, and women who thrilled at conquest, but even with these individuals, the bonding men still liked bonding in a way that established them as dominant, and the conquering women still liked to bond with others over their conquests. Until I see otherwise, I'm considering this principle anecdotally universal.

Here's some anecdotal evidence: if you're a guy, and you're feeling worn down and beat up, what do you do? A Talk about your emotions with a friend, or B Go beat a video game, watch an action movie, or pick up a girl? Yep - for men, the conquest rejuvenates us. For women though, it's the opposite. They need bonding time.

Here's the thing: women will at times sleep with a guy in pursuit of validation, but it's not for a conquest - it's for the bonding that comes with it. A few years ago, I'd largely thrown out the idea of "validation" as useless to seduction. Women either liked you or they didn't, and if you quickly weeded out the women who didn't like you and escalated with the women who did, any concept of emotional validation whether it was a real phenomenon or not was a moot point.

But now that I've started thinking of things in terms of social positions, validation's become something worth considering again. The thing with validation is, it's finicky.

A woman might want your validation That's the part the old school pick up artists who originated the idea never talked about. Yes, get women chasing validation from you Imagine yourself in a nightclub, by yourself, feeling a little insecure because you aren't use to going out alone. You're someone who needs validation.

A really cool guy who'd make you look good and include you in his group could probably give you validation. So could a cute girl who likes you. But some nerdy loser guy who also looks like he's by himself is irrelevant when it comes to your own personal levels of validation - he's not in the picture. You want to be 2 when it comes to any and every social situation you find yourself in.

You always want to be the guy others seek validation from. Being viewing yourself as a channel through which women and people can get validation, and build yourself up that way. As you do, you'll increasingly find that you have an easier time finding the kind of people you want and welcoming them into your life - because they are coming to you for their emotional needs. Of course, you need to genuinely be able to connect with people - but if you've been immersed with the material on offer at this site, that shouldn't be too much of a problem for you.

Chase woke up one day in tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating.

After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends plus plenty of failures along the way , he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System. Skip to main content. Here's what I mean. In Search of Emotional Validation One of the newer things I'm working with in the field of social dynamics right now is a perspective revolving around dependent and independent social positions.

People need emotional validation for all kinds of reasons - here are a few of them: They've suffered a string of defeats They've watched others doing well but they haven't been They've seen others getting validated but they haven't been They see people around them having fun but they're left out They feel lonely They're in dependent social positions and need attention from caregivers They need someone to "recharge" their emotions Everybody wants or needs emotional validation at some point or another.

Do you: A Talk about your emotions with a friend, or B Go beat a video game, watch an action movie, or pick up a girl? Do I have your attention?

Becoming a Channel for Validation A few years ago, I'd largely thrown out the idea of "validation" as useless to seduction. This is the part that's tough to explain. Think of it like this: there are three things you can be when it comes to validation - Someone who needs it Someone who gives it Someone who isn't even in the picture Imagine yourself in a nightclub, by yourself, feeling a little insecure because you aren't use to going out alone.

So how do you get there? A lot of it is your baseline, fundamental value. It's learning the line and walking it. That's going to come from experience. But here are a few quick tips to help: Go for humbleness. The reason why humbleness is so attractive is that it demonstrates a freedom from a need for the emotional validation of others.

The man who is proud needs others' praise to uphold his vanity; the man who is humble does not, and thus is more independent, powerful, and free.

Showing others that you appreciate but don't need their praise through humility communicates to them that you are someone who gives validation - not someone who seeks it. Offer some validation, but not excessively so. I'm skeptical by nature and not easily impressed, and have had to learn to praise people with time, as it isn't something I'm naturally inclined to do.

So, I praise now, and my praise is genuine, but not effusive. I might say, "You did a great job - keep it up," or, "Hey, you look fantastic," but my tone of voice is largely unchanged and it takes some of the excitement out of it.

This has had a rather natural effect of, incidentally, causing people to highly value my validation - because it seems and is sincere. Employ this strategy when giving validation: say the words you'd say as if you were impressed, but keep a normal or even skeptical tone in your voice to maintain balance.

Place commands before validation. Say a girl seems to really want to tell you things about herself - she wants to impress you and make you like her. That's great - now tell her to sit down next to you. When a woman is seeking validation from you is the perfect time to give her a command and get her investing in you - this moves things forward, and manages to communicate interest in her and give her even better validation than she was looking for at the same time - you're telling her you really want to bond.

If a woman tries bonding with you but you don't try conquering her, one way or another, the validation feels a lot less satisfying to her. Give her what she wants from you instead. Don't let her go on for too long without moving things forward a lot.

Believe it or not, you aren't her girlfriend - and you're under no obligation to act as such. Women know what they get with men - if she wants to bond with a girlfriend, she'll talk to one of her girlfriends.

When she wants to bond with a man , she comes to a guy - a guy like you. She'll tell you otherwise - I've had girls I've slept with who told me, "I really just wanted someone to talk to! Best, Chase. About the Author: Chase Amante Chase woke up one day in tired of being alone. Related Articles from GirlsChase. Emotion Regulation in Your Friendships and Relationships. How to be Quirky, in an Attractive, Winning Way. How to be Good at Decision Making.

Carnival of Dating Advice, 22nd Edition. How to Tell a Story that Rivets and Captivates. Tactics Tuesdays: Open Loops.

The Woman Who Does Not Require Validation from Anyone Is the Most Feared Individual On the Planet

Seeking approval for the things that we do is something that is hardwired into our minds even from an early age. Often times, the approval we are seeking is from loved ones and respected adults, like our school teachers. A kind word of encouragement, or a sign of disapproval, can have a profound impact on us at this time. In healthy and well-developed individuals, they have come to realize that ultimately what matters is that they approve of their choices. Most of us have work to be done to get to that point, and to stop seeking the approval of others.

Think about it. Why are women spending hours in front of the mirror?

Let me explain. Disastrous relationships are nothing new for me. My past is riddled with complicated, codependent, and crazy encounters. Never before have I been more wrong. Like any self-help junkie, I made it my business to learn everything I could about the philosophy behind what I hoped would save my relationship.

The psychology behind seeking validation (and Why YOU need it?)

Speak your heart out. Trying to please people will drain your energy. Mark questioned if the food will be good. Neither of us had tried the food at this place before. Yet, I nodded in agreement like a cute dog. Similarly, you might regularly confirm your choice of clothes with someone else. You want people to think well of you.

The Validation Game | Never Give Your Full Validation To A Woman

The perfect little book for writing down important notes. This is also a great gift to give to those who strive to be their own Boss. The book's interior is a simple lined plus page numbers. Small enough to put in a purse or bag, but big enough for your awesome ideas!

You can learn how to be a strong woman instead of seeking validation from men— Or anyone for that matter. You can validate yourself from the inside instead of looking to your outer world to feel better.

Confident women can be scary; society is heteronormative and relies on gender codes and internalised behaviour and expectations to keep us conforming to specific gender norms. It can be so easy to fall into a self loathing trap, where you never think you are good enough as you are. Women are marginalised; our concerns and issues trivialised at every opportunity that it can sometimes feel like a relentless battle to ignore the voices in our heads that tell us that we are inferior.

The Woman Who Does Not Require Validation

A reader writes in, on the topic of emotional validation :. Maybe you call it something different but I was talking to a female friend of mine and she brought something up that seemed similar to it. I was telling her about how I and my pops were watching a Laker game and my mom kept bringing up how "she needs to get her work done.

I have lost count of the amount of times I've been told that I am "too assertive". It starts off with friendly smile and a seemingly caring comment about how what I am saying is correct, but how I express it is the problem. I have thought a lot about how I can alleviate my methodology of communication so I do not come off as "assertive" and I've wondered about why it is even a problem in the first place. It took me a long time to realise that my confidence is not the problem; society is. As a woman, I have always noticed how my words bear a heavier burden than my male colleague or counter-part.

How To Stop Your Pursuit of Emotional Validation And Approval

Some of us care way too much about what other people think of us. We could all learn to care a little bit less about the opinion of others. You march to the beat of your own drum. You do things your way, and people either love that quality in you, or they hate it. It seems as if nothing gets you down. Part of your allure is that you only let select people into your life. You control your own destiny. You believe that you have the power to achieve anything you want to achieve in this life, and nobody can say anything to change your mind or deter you.

The Woman who Doesn't Require Validation from Anyone is the Most Feared Individual on the Planet. -Mohadesa Najumi: a Lined Boss Lady Girl Journal for.

AS FAR AS shitty life choices go, I think relentlessly pursuing emotional validation is in competition for the top spot with cowardice and immorality. Sure, the other two make the bold claim of making you incapable and inhuman, but pursuing emotional validation is pretty much the life choice equivalent of opting for a life of torture. I mean slow, mind-destroying, water drop torture. This is really what the pursuit of emotional validation is like. Because, as a result of your unhealthy motivations, your resultant behaviors have the unfortunate side effect of turning everyone off, and rarely, if ever consistently giving you the validation you want and feel you need.

Tactics Tuesdays: Pick Up and Emotional Validation

The perfect little book for writing down important notes. This is also a great gift to give to those who strive to be their own Boss. The book's interior is a simple lined plus page numbers. Small enough to put in a purse or bag, but big enough for your awesome ideas!

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- Включи свет. - Прочитаешь за дверью. А теперь выходи. Но Мидж эта ситуация явно доставляла удовольствие.

Она подошла к окну, вертя бумагу перед глазами, чтобы найти лучший угол для падения лунного света. - Мидж… пошли.

Введя несколько модифицированных команд на языке Паскаль, он нажал команду ВОЗВРАТ. Окно местоположения Следопыта откликнулось именно так, как он рассчитывал. ОТОЗВАТЬ СЛЕДОПЫТА.

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